I'm "sofaking" Weird Tonight!

Well.. I really have nothing to talk about, besides the fact of my juice mix isn't exactly mixing in my water bottle. I hate when that happens. Then at the end of the bottle of water when there is shit-all left in there, a surge of zing comes down and into the trap and you're left with nothing but over joyed taste buds and some weird ass look on your face. Although, right now that isn't the case. Do not go and purchase 8 dollars worth of spicy cashews. I like spicy but this is like "holyfuckkabahgukka". My lips are looking for the fire department, and that's even after I, persay, washed them. Yes, I gave my cashews a bath. They enjoyed it in there all floating around and stuff. If you haven't noticed, I'm in a very weird mood. I should be sleeping. It's 4 am and this is usually a normal thing for me lately. After I'm done this, it's off to watch more Top Model. I'm obsessed. I also have very bad gas tonight. Not something I should be sharing with the world but whatever. The outside of my left foot is cold, the inside, not so much. The right one, not a chance in hell. Yum yum R-Patz.. I'm out.

The Countdown Is On.

Super over joyed. That is how I'm feeling right now. I don't have to wait until July to move back home. It's happening.. I'm moving back Feb 1st. Moving with Crystal and not Cindy (for the time being) is gonna be SUPER weird. But you do anything for what you want right. My fingers are typing like 1000 miles a minute right now but my mind is going double that. I am so excited, so antsy to go right now. I just checked out the job boards and there is SOOO much. Same with places for rent. I'm so excited. Altho telling my mum is gonna be hard. Oh well. She moved away and she loves where she is. This blog seems like a little girl going on her first date and getting kissed for the first time. It's so "all over the place and random"! Muhaha! This is it.. I'm outta Medicine HATE for good! (I hope I didn't jinx myself haha).

It's Now Time To Depolish Your Star That Once Shined So Bright

So much to put yet a mind running full speed ahead. I can't catch it. I can't catch up to it. So much to say. Nor a word is articulated. Does this make sense? Do you understand me? I don't understand me. I have a flurry of emotions running through my mind and ripping me apart like a catapult during a dirty war. So much to take in, so much to wonder. Yet not vent, nor release the tension felt. Just take it in. Keep it shut. Rememberance from the past hurts. It hurts to believe I've been condescended to a lower being of my exsistance just for mere humour. You made me feel small, made me feel weak yet I shall not succumb to your dispair. Why is this bothering me? It's been so long. Too long. Way overdue. I'm done and you're over.

Change For No One; Believe In Nothing

I'm broken. I'm also pretty sure I don't wanna be put apart again. No, I'm not broken over a guy, even though yes, one just broke my heart. I'm broken as a person, and to be quite honest, I wouldn't be upset if this life ended tomorrow. I'm so sick and tired of trying to please people so then I make it my priority just to please myself but then people think I come off as a bitch. I'm just one of those people that will never be accepted no matter what I do. I should be realistic, I'm never gonna be an actress. I hate those fuckers who derrange your mind into believing that whatever you want in life, if you work hard enough, you will get. Maybe that is true for some, but not for me. I have went through 24 long ass years of nothing but shit. When's it gonna be my turn? I think this will all change when it comes times to move back to Calgary. Back to when I can be happy. Back to when I can actually be myself.

Cloud Nine (( 9 ))

Happy -
1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person.

Smile -
1. to assume a facial expression indicating pleasure, favor, or amusement.

Love -
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

And so I am, so I do and so I'm in.

That is all.

Once Upon A Time.. I Was Broken

Lifehouse - Broken

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight

Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time

I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts

I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain, there is healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head

I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead

I still see your reflection inside of my eyes

That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain, is there healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day

Just to see what you throw my way

And I'm hanging on to the words you say

You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone

I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain, there is healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you

I Love You, I Need You, Like A Thousand Times Before

You make a mess of me...



You make a mess of me..



Vancouver was, by far, the most amazing time of my life! (Besides holding onto Hoggard that one cold night in early September) The feeling of the ocean touching my feet for the first time, felt like sunshine on the most stormy day. Breathing in the BC air made all the stresses on my shoulders dissappear far, far away. Everything for that short time, was so serene, so warming and it felt like home. I was home. I may be back in Alberta, but my heart is for sure still in Vancouver. This is my paradise..