Now That Was A Lasting Impression

I am so sick and tired of the cold. I wish there were a button we could push to make it all go away. For the rich, there is a button... And that's the "right-click" of the mouse to plan some expensive, all-inclusive vacation to some warm, tropical island far away. Then there's the rest of us, the majority of us who have to sit here and settle for a pathetic tea from Timmy Ho's to keep us warm. Bah hum bug! I wish I was rich. Some day.
On to other news.. So I started the new job today. Hated it but then I got to thinking of how lucky I am to actually have a job. It wasn't until this old lady in catering called me a "stupid fucking bitch" for leaving the door open and letting in the cold.. for about 15 seconds. Like holy crap lady.. ya coulda been a little more personable and asked NICELY to close the door cuz ur old ass is cold! Then the maintenence man was a douche and ugh! I shouldn't really say that I HATED the JOB. I don't. I dislike some of the staff. But whatever.. I'm only there for a few months. I might ask Kevin to go part time and apply at Superstore in cosmetics or clothes or something.
Anyways.. I better go. 7 am will come faster than I know.
Holla!

It's Beginning To Look Alot Like Christmas

Well. The almost no-snow winter came to a halt last night. After having 2 days of above 0 temperatures, mother nature decided to dump a huge load of snow on us. I hate it. I hate winter, and I hated it even more when I was a kid. Having a birthday in January proved to be nothing more than sitting around the living room watching re-runs of Bambi. That is, which ever kid's mum let him or her out. I remember that one birthday I had.. My mum got me a clown! I HATE clowns. Then I got my fingers stuck in the VCR cuz I was so sick and tired of watching Bambi and I didn't know how to take it out properly so I just stuck my fingers in there and tried to yank it out. Didn't go over to well.

Well it's already December 8th of 2008. Where does the time go? I remember the beginning of summer. And now, it's gone for another year. It's actually quite sad the way time disappears from our fingers like the sands of time. I'm almost 25 and what do I have to show. Nothing. I wish I could just press rewind, go back and do it all over again. There would be ALOT that I would change. My dreams of being a couture model are dashed out the door LONG ago. I can't wait to move back to Calgary so I can finally get an agent and get the ball rolling. *sigh*

I absolutly can not find a job here for the time being. It's absolutly impossible. I'm getting quite mad actually. I wish I could just find someone that I could live with for one month, that's it, who dosen't charge me a THING and I would just work my ass off to get up there on my own. I wish, right. I think by far, this has to be the longest blog I have ever written. There were so many times before that I wanted to write but either didn't have my computer with me or I was just plain lazy. *sigh*

I think tomorrow I shall go out and look again. I will apply places in the mall and maybe call around to places and see what I can get. I miss having money. I hope Calgary pans out this time. I'm kinda scared of going tho. I have my reasons. Certain people know them. I wanna go to a movie. It's been a while. Speaking of movies, The Dark Knight comes out on DVD tomorrow. I can't wait! I'm gonna somehow get it, weather it means buying it or renting it.

Anyways, I shall go. I have a few more episodes of Top Model to watch before I retire for the night. I shall write again soon. Hopefully before I go to my mum's on Sunday. I kinda don't wanna go but whatever. I need to see the chiropractor. Righty-oh then.

GNite. I know you're looking for me.. I'm right here. I will do everything to stand beside you..

December Two Oh Eight

Missing - Evanescence

Please, please forgive me

But I wont be home again

Maybe someday you'll look up

And barely conscious you'll say to no one

Isn't something missing

You won't cry for my absence I know

You forgot me long ago

Am I that unimportant

Am I so insignificant

Isn't something missing

Isn't someone missing me

Even though I'm the sacrifice

You won't try for me not now

Though I'd die to know you love me

I'm all alone

Isn't someone missing me

Please, please forgive me

But I won't be home again

I know what you do to yourself

I breathe deep and cry out

Isn't something missing

Isn't someone missing me

Even though I'm the sacrifice

You won't try for me not now

Though I'd die to know you love me

I'm all alone

Isn't someone missing me

And if I bleed, I'll bleed

Knowing you don't care

And if I sleep just to dream of you

I'll wake without you there

Isn't something missing

Isn't someone missing me

I'm "sofaking" Weird Tonight!

Well.. I really have nothing to talk about, besides the fact of my juice mix isn't exactly mixing in my water bottle. I hate when that happens. Then at the end of the bottle of water when there is shit-all left in there, a surge of zing comes down and into the trap and you're left with nothing but over joyed taste buds and some weird ass look on your face. Although, right now that isn't the case. Do not go and purchase 8 dollars worth of spicy cashews. I like spicy but this is like "holyfuckkabahgukka". My lips are looking for the fire department, and that's even after I, persay, washed them. Yes, I gave my cashews a bath. They enjoyed it in there all floating around and stuff. If you haven't noticed, I'm in a very weird mood. I should be sleeping. It's 4 am and this is usually a normal thing for me lately. After I'm done this, it's off to watch more Top Model. I'm obsessed. I also have very bad gas tonight. Not something I should be sharing with the world but whatever. The outside of my left foot is cold, the inside, not so much. The right one, not a chance in hell. Yum yum R-Patz.. I'm out.

The Countdown Is On.

Super over joyed. That is how I'm feeling right now. I don't have to wait until July to move back home. It's happening.. I'm moving back Feb 1st. Moving with Crystal and not Cindy (for the time being) is gonna be SUPER weird. But you do anything for what you want right. My fingers are typing like 1000 miles a minute right now but my mind is going double that. I am so excited, so antsy to go right now. I just checked out the job boards and there is SOOO much. Same with places for rent. I'm so excited. Altho telling my mum is gonna be hard. Oh well. She moved away and she loves where she is. This blog seems like a little girl going on her first date and getting kissed for the first time. It's so "all over the place and random"! Muhaha! This is it.. I'm outta Medicine HATE for good! (I hope I didn't jinx myself haha).

It's Now Time To Depolish Your Star That Once Shined So Bright

So much to put yet a mind running full speed ahead. I can't catch it. I can't catch up to it. So much to say. Nor a word is articulated. Does this make sense? Do you understand me? I don't understand me. I have a flurry of emotions running through my mind and ripping me apart like a catapult during a dirty war. So much to take in, so much to wonder. Yet not vent, nor release the tension felt. Just take it in. Keep it shut. Rememberance from the past hurts. It hurts to believe I've been condescended to a lower being of my exsistance just for mere humour. You made me feel small, made me feel weak yet I shall not succumb to your dispair. Why is this bothering me? It's been so long. Too long. Way overdue. I'm done and you're over.

Change For No One; Believe In Nothing

I'm broken. I'm also pretty sure I don't wanna be put apart again. No, I'm not broken over a guy, even though yes, one just broke my heart. I'm broken as a person, and to be quite honest, I wouldn't be upset if this life ended tomorrow. I'm so sick and tired of trying to please people so then I make it my priority just to please myself but then people think I come off as a bitch. I'm just one of those people that will never be accepted no matter what I do. I should be realistic, I'm never gonna be an actress. I hate those fuckers who derrange your mind into believing that whatever you want in life, if you work hard enough, you will get. Maybe that is true for some, but not for me. I have went through 24 long ass years of nothing but shit. When's it gonna be my turn? I think this will all change when it comes times to move back to Calgary. Back to when I can be happy. Back to when I can actually be myself.