I Used 2 B Luv Drunk; Now I'm Hung Over --

Excuse the post confessing my "love drunk" words to "my everything". Clearly, and gladly, that time in my life is over. Now, on to bigger and better things =c). So, this is it. I'm leaving for Calgary tomorrow. *takes deep breath* I was supposed to go yesterday, but I got NO sleep and I don't have to go talk to Christopher until Wednesday. I thought it was a little crazy when I read my horoscope on facebook.. also weird that I decided to wait until today.. which happens to be the 22nd of the month. =\ Here is the facebook horoscope:

It should be easy for you to accomplish something you've been waiting to give a try, Aquarius. This is something that concerns your reputation or career, and there is definitely money involved. Take a chance and do something risky, but only in regards to money and business, because risky behaviors in other aspects of life could put you in the path of wellness or personal safety issues. This is a decision for you alone, in that there is no one else who can advise you on this matter. But it really isn't that complicated, it's just a matter of holding on to the number and rolling the dice.

I think that's totally a good omen! There's gonna be alot that I'm gonna miss here, crazy as it sounds. But things will go well. I can't wait to be making money again, living on my own, gaining even more independence and getting myself outta this crazy shell lol. I can finally focus on my health and hopefully when I come down to Medicine Hat again (after November) people will notice a big difference. Here's to hoping anyways.

But I better go. I'm gonna try to blog every night when I live on my own. Which won't be until December. Anyways.. wish me luck!

xx - Chele

BlackBerry Blog --

So this is officially my first blog via my BlackBerry. Let's see how this goes, shall we? Its almost 6:30 am and guess what, I'm not one bit tired. I have poor Mahliboo beside me and she's so sick :(. She can't stop sneezing and I feel bad for the poor thing. I think I'm gonna blog on my BlackBerry more often. This is kinda cool haha. So I should be living in Calgary by next week, assuming everything goes according to plan. Let's keep our fingers crossed, shall we. This is going to be a rather smaller post. I'm gonna TRY to get some sleep but who knows how this is gonna go. I'll write more later if I have time. Bye.

You Are My Everything

You mean more to me than you will ever know. Being with you makes magic happen and you give me hope that I can go on. Even if no words said, just being beside you is enough. Tonight I had alot of fun. We've never had so much conversation, just you and I, and I loved it. I will wait for you, even though I've said it's over, I will wait for you. I believe in you and I believe in us and I know that you do too. I know that you have alot going on right now, and like I said before, take the time you need, but don't break my heart. It's very fragile. I Love You A.H. and I always will, no matter what. :) When we parted our ways, you kissed your hand, pressed it against my lips and we held eachother until we couldn't no more. Like making love in the moon light. Thank you for making my life worth living. ilu forever.

StaRRstruck**

I would've done almost anything for you
I told you how much I cared
I was there for you when you needed a friend
But you left me in total dispair
I tried to hold on just one more day
Hoping you'd finally see
But days have past, nothing's changed
So I gotta do what's good for me
You hear I'm leaving
There's nothing you can do
I'm sorry baby, you should've listened
When I told you how much I loved you
Don't try to keep me, my mind is made up
On my journey I shall go
You'll stay in my heart forever my dear
But this is beyond your control
You had the chance, you played with my mind
You helped me on my way
I know you'll be fine, you're a big boy
I'll see you some other day.

Bring On Summer

I am so happy that the nice weather is FINALLY here! I'm not so happy about not living in Calgary. Yes, it does suck but what can ya do, right? I mean it's only 2 and a half hours away so I can go any time I want. I've lost 11 lbs! Yay! Dedication is key. Small post, I kno. I have things to do and haven't written in months. I'll come back soon, I promise.

I Need A Haircut...

Apparently I have gotten the label, 'the annoying one' on someone I work withs' facebook picture. She dosen't know that I know. I kinda just stumbled upon it. And that's wonderful with the way I'm feeling. Keep going people, cause I swear it'll happen. I plan on confronting her about it the next time we work together, but I know the way she is. She won't care.

Forgetting
All the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

I'm So Sick Of It...

With many attempts to lie down, close my eyes and fall asleep, here I am again.. awake and on the internet. I have alot of things on my mind lately. It's 2:07 am, I have to work at 8 and I'm not one bit tired. I don't understand. I didn't get 8 hours of sleep last night, not even close. I never had a nap today and I'm not tired right now. It's the mind of fullness I have. I'm so annoyed with everything right now. Maybe if I go in point form EXACTLY what's bugging me, I might feel better.. I'll give it a shot:

I'm so sick of -
- my nose always being stuffy and not being able to breathe
- tinkerbell barking at anything and everything that moves
- the neighbour always gawking out her window whenever she sees us
- bambi peeing on everything
- midarko being a bitch to the other cats
- mahliboo always jumping up on my back and using claws
- mercedes always trying to get outside
- the toilet not working and being "fixed" with a twist tie and ear phones
- the hardwood floors in my house
- things always sticking to my feet no matter how much the floor is swept
- me always wanting to clean my room but it never gets done
- all the mysterious, discusting bugs that came outta no where in my bathroom
- the price of soy milk
- not having any money
- not knowing whats going on with our house in calgary
- not being friends with dane; i miss him alot
- my addiction to fast food
- the knot in my shoulder blade
- all the yuckies in the basement
- not having a working dryer
- not having cable
- having days off and not doing anything
- being stuck in medicine hat
- not knowing what the fuck happened to jordan
- crystal and her fucking annoyingness lately
- having split ends
- all the nice guys being in england
- having unpaid bills
- facebook
- working and not getting the recognition i deserve
- working and not being able to wait for days off but once i have days off, i wish i was working
- filling my car with gas all the time
- not being able to go to the gym
- sitting on my bed in an akward position with my laptop on my leg
- always resorting to making lists of things im sick of

Well anyways.. there's my current annoyances in a nutshell. I'm sure there's more but my mind is all over the place right now. It's now 2:30 and I guess I'll go pluck my eye brows.. oh yah.. I'm sick of that too.

Learning Life The Hard Way.. I Wish Being Strong Was Easy

Ok, so I should be sleeping right now, seeing as I have to be up in 4 hours but I can't sleep. It's my birthday today.. 25. Woo! I was sitting on facebook and my cousin Lisa was online and as selfish as this is about to sound, I was waiting for the chat window to pop up with a "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"... but of course, nothing. I wanna say "whatever" but deep down it hurts. The people that I once was so close to, the people that I'm supposed to call family, want and have nothing to do with me. And why? I never once did anything for them to feel, think, act like that. I know I'm better than them but its sad to know that I don't have anyone to turn to but my friends. Not that turning to my friends is a bad thing, but family is supposed to be there for you no matter what. Same with Jordan.. he promised me that he'd be online tonight to talk because I won't be online later and of course, not here.

I can't wait to move back to Calgary. There are so many things I'm going to do different. Like how Chad said, I'm leaving this life behind to start a fresh, happy one. As far as I'm concerned, when I move back I have no family back here except for grandpa and a gramma that passed away. I also have my mum but she dosen't live here which is good. As for everyone else, I disowned them (except Shianne) a long time ago. I wonder what it will be like, say 5 - 10 years from now. Are they all gonna wonder about me and how "horrible" my life has turned out? Or are they just gonna plain forget about me. I really hope then just forget about me.

I lost 5 lbs. Woot! More to go and I'm making sure it's going. If I don't have the support of "family" or Jordan then that's fine.. I have the people that really matter. Cindy, Crystal, Alex, my mum, my grandpa, Cindy's family and even my cats and dogs. They're all I need. I love each and every one of them and when I finally reach my goals, they will be the ones being rewarded. I'm going back to school, making an education for myself, learning to lead a healthier lifestyle, and just letting go of the past. This time, it's gonna work.

But it's 1:24 am and I need sleep. So to those that have walked in my life and are no longer in it, I thank you for letting me know you and how I never wanna be like you. To those who are still in my life, I thank you for sticking by me through good times and bad times and I promise I will be there for you when you need me the most. And lastly, to those who are still going to walk into my life, I'm excited to see which category your final place will be..

xo - Michelle (whom is now a QUARTER CENTURY OLD *gasp*)

This Is The Best Feeling..

This innocence is brilliance

I hope that it will stay

This moment is perfect

Please don't go away

I need you now

And I'll hold on to it

Don't you let it pass you by..

11 days into 2009 and so far it's been good. Had some bad days but that's life eh! As of April 30th, I will no longer be living in Medicine Hat. I bid farewell and I couldn't be more happier to leave. It's not running away from your fears, it's simply ending one chapter in life and starting a new one. Learning from mistakes. Moving on with great diligence. Things are going to happen this time. Things that are long-awaited. So I met a boy and I have fallen for him. He's the best thing to happen to me. We connect mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Although he only is 21 and I will be 25 in 9 days (ick), I feel so loved around him. Everything is going to be ok.

I'm not too sure what else to write. I just wanna write random things so when I look back on this, I think to myself "WTF was she thinking" haha. I'm WAY to tired tho to do that. We are getting our gym passes tomorrow. Like I said.. everything is going to be ok. I need to look for boxes and start packing. I also need to go thru stuff and place ad's on Garage Sale Medicine Hat on facebook.

It's so cold in this house. I can't wait to move. I am going to miss this house very much. But it's kinda like, you know when you know you are home, that's what I felt like when we walked into our house in Calgary. I was home. Maybe it was the atmosphere of Calgary because that's where I belong, or maybe it was just the house. I don't know but I felt it. It's a cute lil place and I'm glad to call it my own.

I also can't wait to start school. As silly as this is going to sound, I miss school. I miss getting up early for education, not some mindless job where I get under appreciated. I really hope that I get approved for my grant. That would just be wonderful.

I should get some sleep tho. I need to look for a second job tomorrow and buy shoes and stuff. I bid farewell.. but just for now.

xo - Michelle